- Got this call Monday morning, the kind you just don't expect:
Woman: "Hello, this is the STD clinic. The doctor wants to see you." Me: "But, I passed my test 2 months ago; I know you can't tell me what it is for, but is it serious?"
Woman: "It's nothing... *SE-RI-OUS*. Still, you'll need to see the doc. I'd advise you to stay safe until then. I'll schedule you in one month."
Me: "Ah, look, I'm not gonna wait in the dark for a month. Got anything sooner?"
Woman: "Well, the doc is accepting emergency visits tomorrow..."So I set out to see my doc early the next day, determined to know *now* and face the music rather than wait in nail-biting ignorance and abstinence for a month. To hell with my work schedule, my physical and mental health comes first. Still, I like to think that I play as safe as humanly possible sort of wearing a chastity ring or a Biosafety Level 4 suit.
Get off the bus and start to walk the 5 minute distance towards the clinic. Pass by a funeral home: ha-ha, great omen. Then walk in front of a tombstone cutting shop. *gulp*. Then comes a second funeral parlor. Ok, this isn't funny anymore. How come I never really noticed those places before? Ah, at least a flower shop, that should lift my spirits! Big sign in the window says "come see our great selection of funeral urns". F**K YOU!
Wait for an eternity in the lobby, then am told to wait in the doc's office. Try as I may, I can't help but overhear the doc's conversation with a patient next door:
Doc: "For your SUICIDE, have you made any plans yet?"
Good Lord! I'm glad that guy at least sought help before doing something stupid. Still, I'm not liking this death theme one bit now. A few minutes later, doc comes in, rushed and eyes in a daze:
Doc: "Ah, yes, your results. Let's see: Syphilis: negative. Gonorreah: negative. Hepatitis: negative. HIV: negative. Herpes: negative. You're all clear; it's just that we now ask everyone to come in after a test, regardless of the results."
I leave, with a huge weight off my shoulders. Weirdly, not a single thought of having that *oh-so-reassuring* secretary roast over a bonfire (okay, perhaps just smoked a little) ; I've had enough bad thoughts for a day. Life is beautiful again! :)