- A trick a day
I make it a duty to learn at least one new thing everyday. Anything, be it science, history, sex, social issues or languages. Yesterday I went all crazy and spent a whole buck on a dollar-store animal balloon kit. 20 minutes and 8 burst balloons later, I now know how to make a dog, a giraffe, a mouse and a very unconvincing swan. Soon a whole zoo.
This will open doors for me; I can feel it, a whole new career awaits!
- permalink: http://www.rene-marc.com/blog/A-trick-a-day
- Christmas songs and you!
- Ah, the sweet Holidays are upon us again! However, each year radios blast out countless variants of classic Christmas songs. Most are lovely, if listened to in moderation. Some, however, are left to my very twisted interpretations. Noteworty passages in BOLD!
1. Santa Claus is Coming to Town (J. Fred Coots, Haven Gillespie - 1934)
You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
He's making a list
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice
Santa Claus is coming to town
He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!
O! You better watch out!
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town
That's not Santa Claus, that's Big Brother! And he's coming for you if you dare step outside the Party Line or have any dissident thoughts. Worst part is, kids happily cheer to that song. Soon they'll be denouncing their parents to the government, I'm sure. Sad world. :)
2. White Christmas (Irving Berlin - 1940)
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white
Ah, nostalgia! I'm sure the KKK would approve. They probably also train their children to listen to the sound of shackles and chained slaves working outside in inhuman conditions.
3. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (Robert May, Johnny Marks - 1949)
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.
All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
Then all the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you'll go down in history!
So Rudolf was a socially inept wino bum, and Santa Claus once trusted this alcoholic reindeer to drive him around in really bad weather. No wonder we don't get to see the real Santa anymore, his sleigh probably went down and crashed at high-speed on a mountain or something, leaving broken gifts and bits of Santa bones and flesh spread over half a mile. Jolly role-model for our kids! C'mon kiddos, drinking and driving is fun!
4. Happy Xmas (War Is Over) (John Lennon, Yoko Ono - 1971)
So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young
[...]I really don't care much for imposed guilt. While I don't usually boast about it, I like to think I do my fair share to help the world with my current abilities and limited resources. However, having to endure the patronizing complaints of an uber-rich, unshaved, stoned, megalomaniac hippie just makes me yell to his soul: "Up yours!" Plus, denaturizing Christmas by replacing "Christ" with an "X" gives me severe Political Correctness allergies.
5. Christmas albums by has-beens
What to do when a singer's career flat lines or is about to be disconnected from life-support? Hey, how about making yet-another Christmas album? You're so novel, what a great idea! We'll just have her sing her often-boring version of public domain Christmas tunes, sell an album at shamelessly inflated prices and we'll rake in some extra dough from uncreative family members. Quick, let's call Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer!
On a more positive note, a fine song in French:
1. L'enfant au tambour - Little Drummer Boy (Katherine K. Davis, Henry Onorati, Harry Simeone - 1958 - French: Georges Coulonges)
French Version
Sur la route
Petit tambour s'en va
Il sent son cœur qui bat
Au rythme de ses pas
Rum pum pum pum
O, petit enfant
Où-où vas-tu ?
Hier mon père
A suivi le tambour
Le tambour des soldats
Alors, je vais au ciel
Rum pum pum pum
Là, je veux donner pour son retour
Mon-on tambour.
Tous les anges
Ont pris leurs beaux tambours
Et ont dit à l'enfant
"Ton père est de retour"
Rum pum pum pum
Et l'enfant s'éveille
Sur son tambour.
Come they told me
A new born King to see
Our finest gifts we bring
To lay before the King
rum pum pum pum
So to honor Him
When we come.
Little Baby
I am a poor boy too
I have no gift to bring
That's fit to give the King
rum pum pum pum
Shall I play for you
On my drum?
Mary nodded
The ox and lamb kept time
I played my drum for Him
I played my best for Him
rum pum pum pum
Then He smiled at me
Me and my drum.
Very nice song in French, I just find it odd that in English the song simply relates to the birth of the Christ, while in French it's really the story of a child whose father just died on the battlefield and is trying to plead with the heavens to give his toy drum to his father for his eventual return. Heavy, moving, heart crushing stuff. I love it!
And you, any songs you too find weird at this time of the year?
- permalink: http://www.rene-marc.com/blog/Christmas-songs-and-you
- Farewell to Kat
- Katarina has departed for greener pastures, but she certainly knows how to make an exit in style: not one, but two evenings dedicated to her at The Green Room!
Farewell to Kat — november 2006 - permalink: http://www.rene-marc.com/blog/Farewell-to-Kat
- Evil robots
While going to Playwrights' Workshop Holiday Party yesterday I saw a T-800. No kidding! All metal. Full size. With a nasty-looking gun. Stamping on human skulls. You can see it too if you pass by that hobby shop on Mont-Royal between St-Denis and St-Laurent. Gave me shivers, I thought their rise had come.
For over a year my local video shop had a custom-made full-sized Alien warrior next to an open egg in the store. I even placed my head over that egg to peek inside. Seemed like a good idea at the time! ;)
- permalink: http://www.rene-marc.com/blog/Evil-robots