Year 2006

This will open doors for me; I can feel it, a whole new career awaits!

1. Santa Claus is Coming to Town (J. Fred Coots, Haven Gillespie - 1934)

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

He's making a list
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice
Santa Claus is coming to town

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

O! You better watch out!
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town

That's not Santa Claus, that's Big Brother! And he's coming for you if you dare step outside the Party Line or have any dissident thoughts. Worst part is, kids happily cheer to that song. Soon they'll be denouncing their parents to the government, I'm sure. Sad world. :)

2. White Christmas (Irving Berlin - 1940)

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten,
and children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white

Ah, nostalgia! I'm sure the KKK would approve. They probably also train their children to listen to the sound of shackles and chained slaves working outside in inhuman conditions.

3. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (Robert May, Johnny Marks - 1949)

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

Then all the reindeer loved him
as they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
you'll go down in history!

So Rudolf was a socially inept wino bum, and Santa Claus once trusted this alcoholic reindeer to drive him around in really bad weather. No wonder we don't get to see the real Santa anymore, his sleigh probably went down and crashed at high-speed on a mountain or something, leaving broken gifts and bits of Santa bones and flesh spread over half a mile. Jolly role-model for our kids! C'mon kiddos, drinking and driving is fun!

4. Happy Xmas (War Is Over) (John Lennon, Yoko Ono - 1971)

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young

[...]

I really don't care much for imposed guilt. While I don't usually boast about it, I like to think I do my fair share to help the world with my current abilities and limited resources. However, having to endure the patronizing complaints of an uber-rich, unshaved, stoned, megalomaniac hippie just makes me yell to his soul: "Up yours!" Plus, denaturizing Christmas by replacing "Christ" with an "X" gives me severe Political Correctness allergies.

5. Christmas albums by has-beens

What to do when a singer's career flat lines or is about to be disconnected from life-support? Hey, how about making yet-another Christmas album? You're so novel, what a great idea! We'll just have her sing her often-boring version of public domain Christmas tunes, sell an album at shamelessly inflated prices and we'll rake in some extra dough from uncreative family members. Quick, let's call Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer!

On a more positive note, a fine song in French:

1. L'enfant au tambour - Little Drummer Boy (Katherine K. Davis, Henry Onorati, Harry Simeone - 1958 - French: Georges Coulonges)

French Version
Sur la route
Petit tambour s'en va
Il sent son cœur qui bat
Au rythme de ses pas
Rum pum pum pum
O, petit enfant
Où-où vas-tu ?

Hier mon père
A suivi le tambour
Le tambour des soldats
Alors, je vais au ciel
Rum pum pum pum
Là, je veux donner pour son retour
Mon-on tambour.

Tous les anges
Ont pris leurs beaux tambours
Et ont dit à l'enfant
"Ton père est de retour"
Rum pum pum pum
Et l'enfant s'éveille
Sur son tambour.

Come they told me
A new born King to see
Our finest gifts we bring
To lay before the King
rum pum pum pum

So to honor Him
When we come.

Little Baby
I am a poor boy too
I have no gift to bring
That's fit to give the King
rum pum pum pum

Shall I play for you
On my drum?

Mary nodded
The ox and lamb kept time
I played my drum for Him
I played my best for Him
rum pum pum pum

Then He smiled at me
Me and my drum.

Very nice song in French, I just find it odd that in English the song simply relates to the birth of the Christ, while in French it's really the story of a child whose father just died on the battlefield and is trying to plead with the heavens to give his toy drum to his father for his eventual return. Heavy, moving, heart crushing stuff. I love it!

And you, any songs you too find weird at this time of the year?

Farewell to Kat — november 2006

For over a year my local video shop had a custom-made full-sized Alien warrior next to an open egg in the store. I even placed my head over that egg to peek inside. Seemed like a good idea at the time! ;)

Angèle's birthday — november 2006

Andrea's birthday — november 2006

Halloween party at Jolène's — october 2006

A new socially-focused and Longueuil-based (most important) technotrash recycling center has opened its doors and gladly accepted all those dead monitors, obsolete PCs, blown hard drives, miscellaneous extension cards and thousands of floppies that were left in my wake.

Now thanks to these eco-guys (Écono-Clik, for locals), my shed is free and my conscience is clear. Sweet! :)

• If you wanted to meet every person living on Earth right now, from the day you were born to the day you'll die you'd spend less than 0.39 seconds with each person.

  Breakdown:

  World population: 6,555,293,676 (U.S. Census Bureau Population Clock - Nov 7 2006)

  Canadian lifespan: 79.9 years, or 2,521,452,240 seconds (Statistics Canada - 2003)

  Math: 2,521,452,240 / 6,555,293,676 = 0.385 seconds

• In Montreal, over 68 people die each day.

  Breakdown:

  Quebec population: 7,651,500 (Statistics Canada - 2006)

  Montreal metropolitan population: 3,635,700 (Statistics Canada - 2005)

  Quebec death rate: 52,900 (Statistics Canada - 2006)

  Math: (52,900 / 365.25) x (3,635,700 / 7,651,500) = 68.8 people/day

• Quebec has more population than about 60% of all countries and protectorates.

  Demographic Examples: (CIA World Factbook - July 2006)

  Switzerland: 7,523,934

  Israel: 6,352,117

  Denmark: 5,450,661

  Norway: 4,610,820

  New Zealand: 4,076,140

  Kuwait: 2,418,393

  Fiji: 905,949

  Iceland: 299,388

  Greenland: 56,361

  Pitcairn Islands: 45

• If we were to colonize the Milky Way instantly, there would be 1 human for every 61 stars.

  Breakdown:

  World population: 6,555,293,676 (U.S. Census Bureau Population Clock - Nov 7 2006)

  Number of stars in Milky Way: 400,000,000,000 (Wikipedia - latest estimates)

  Math: 400,000,000,000 / 6,555,293,676 = 61 stars

• Now, if we were to spread out across the observable universe instantly, there would be 1 human for every 15 galaxies.

  Breakdown:

  World population: 6,555,293,676 (U.S. Census Bureau Population Clock - Nov 7 2006)

  Number of galaxies in observable universe: 100,000,000,000 (Wikipedia - 2006)

  Math: 100,000,000,000 / 6,555,293,676 = 15.25 galaxies

So, what will you do with your life today?

Pradeep's birthday — october 2006

Oh, and according to my basic understanding of Chinese Numerology, this number will bring me riches and fortune for sure. (877) 887-8977 means:

Yup, I'm golden. Fiji, here I come!

one year at MainLine — september 2006

party at Pradeep's — september 2006

party at Kat's — september 2006

party at Patrick's — september 2006

I dreamt I was Pope Benedict XVI (yup, with the robe and all) and I was getting a rabbit from the freezer to fix myself a fine dinner. This rabbit I had placed there over a year ago. However, as it thawed in my hands, it revived and was again full of life! This is a healthy brown bunny with big brown joyful eyes. As I was caressing it slowly in my drape arms, I was poised between eating the rabbit and letting it go. Without notice, the agile bunny jumped away from my arms and landed in someone else's waiting by. As the other person is gently stroking the leaping herbivore, the bunny is looking at me with this ashamed gaze full of regrets, wishing it was still in my arms. Wake up.

Spoke with the ever-perceptive Kat during "Comedy off the Main", but her wise interpretation was unfortunately lost in my beer-influenced mind. Maybe I should eat some rabbit stew? ;)

Yup, a Lada with a polka-dot putty job parked nearby. You can just feel the authenticity.

Cute blondes and mouth-watering food everywhere.

Most likely lip-syncing girl-band; the tech at the controls was drinking and chatting away during their skit. :)

Chaika dance company: fit and colorful dancers from Hamilton, Ontario. The crowd cheered lots!

Beautiful Baghdadi architecture, could it be a restaurant? A WMD warehouse? A government building perhaps?

Bingo! Iraq's embassy in Ottawa! For a brief moment there I was standing on Iraqi soil, safe and sound with my head still attached.